The Truth About Santa! What do you tell your kids when they ask? || Letters from Santa Holiday Blog
The Truth About Santa…but what is the truth?
The Littlest Helper has hit that age where the question of “Is Santa real?” and how to deal with it has reared its (ugly) head. Every parent addresses whether and how to keep their child believing in Santa in their own way – none is right or wrong. But I have to admit, I do have some strong feelings about my own personal preferences when it comes to the truth about Santa. 🙂
The Littlest Helper is not questioning the “reality” of Santa, nor ofher Elf Bellae. After all, she not only has letters from Santa to prove Santa exists, but she has even spotted him putting presents under the tree! She has been asking questions recently that skirt the topic…questions, or observations really, that make me wonder what she might have heard, but neither of us will go to that place. And my heart is so glad for that. I remember the same dance with my own mother.
Should we keep them Believing in Santa?
The Littlest Helper’s best friend was told recently by her parents that Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny and all other such magical bringers of joy and childhood pleasure, are not real. She was devastated. Truly, deeply devastated. Does that suggest she wasn’t ready for those words? Maybe.
Then things got tricky. In an effort to still be invited along on our annual journey to visit Santa on top of a snow-covered peak, she reassured me that even though she knows the truth about Santa, she wouldn’t tell the Littlest Helper – that she would pretend Santa is real – she would keep the secret.
My response – (buying time to think) “I’m not sure I understand what you are saying?”. She – more reassurances. Me – “Oh…your family doesn’t believe in Santa. Well that’s okay, there are lots of families that don’t believe in Santa. Just like there are lots of families who have different beliefs in faith and religion, and all kinds of things”. She – continuing to reassure she wouldn’t spill the beans. Me – “We believe in Santa in our family, but it’s okay if you don’t believe in your family”.
Was that the right thing to do? Probably not. I feel badly for potentially leaving her completely confused – that was not nice, and a little unfair. But I felt stuck – I cannot collude with her to “trick” The Littlest Helper – that would be equally unkind in my mind. And my daughter’s joy and well-being will always come first, right or wrong. To her credit, she has continued to express belief in Santa and her Elf on the Shelf every moment since. I want to drop a gift on her doorstep Christmas Eve on behalf of Santa Claus. Hubby Helper says that would be wrong. I know he is right, but jeez – she wants so badly to believe!
I know there are many parents who feel that they are somehow lying to their children when they perpetuate their belief in Santa. I have never personally felt this to be true. As a mom, I feel that part of my job is to help childhood be as magical as possible. In every way. To believe in magic, to me, means to believe in the unknown, the invisible, even the impossible. To believe in the magic of Christmas means to believe in the goodness of people, in the joy and happiness that each of us can bring to another, and hope for a better and brighter world future.
Sure, we could and should be doing this everyday, all year long. But for some, life gets in the way. How wonderful that we have a whole season dedicated to being the best person one can be, don’t you think? And at the root of all that giving and caring? Yep…Santa Claus!
No child in my family, myself included, has ever been told “the truth” about Santa – and I don’t believe any of us are scarred by that. Quite the opposite – we have a sincere joy and excitement for the season of Santa!
Surely there is no harm in maintaining our own truth about Santa?
The Littlest Helper attends a beautiful Montessori school, surrounded by amazing people everywhere, from the classroom leaders to the other children, to the families they come from. One of them recently shared this on our school facebook page, and I wanted to share it here with you. It is not hers…she doesn’t know where the story actually came from, but I like it. And I hope you do too!
One family’s Truth about Santa:
“In our family, we have a special way of transitioning the kids from receiving from Santa, to becoming a Santa. This way, the Santa construct is not a lie that gets discovered, but an unfolding series of good deeds and Christmas spirit.
When they are 6 or 7, whenever you see that dawning suspicion that Santa may not be a material being, that means the child is ready. I take them out “for coffee” at the local wherever. We get a booth, order our drinks, and the following pronouncement is made:
“You sure have grown an awful lot this year. Not only are you taller, but I can see that your heart has grown, too. [ Point out 2-3 examples of empathetic behavior, consideration of people’s feelings, good deeds etc, the kid has done in the past year]. In fact, your heart has grown so much that I think you are ready to become a Santa Claus.
You probably have noticed that most of the Santas you see are people dressed up like him. Some of your friends might have even told you that there is no Santa. A lot of children think that, because they aren’t ready to BE a Santa yet, but YOU ARE.
Tell me the best things about Santa. What does Santa get for all of his trouble? [lead the kid from “cookies” to the good feeling of having done something for someone else]. Well, now YOU are ready to do your first job as a Santa!”
Make sure you maintain the proper conspiratorial tone.
We then have the child choose someone they know–a neighbor, usually. The child’s mission is to secretly, deviously, find out something that the person needs, and then provide it, wrap it, deliver it–and never reveal to the target where it came from. Being a Santa isn’t about getting credit, you see. It’s unselfish giving.
My oldest chose the “witch lady” on the corner. She really was horrible–had a fence around the house and would never let the kids go in and get a stray ball or Frisbee. She’d yell at them to play quieter, etc–a real pill. He noticed when we drove to school that she came out every morning to get her paper in bare feet, so he decided she needed slippers. So then he had to go spy and decide how big her feet were. He hid in the bushes one Saturday, and decided she was a medium. We went to Kmart and bought warm slippers. He wrapped them up, and tagged it “merry Christmas from Santa.” After dinner one evening, he slipped down to her house, and slid the package under her driveway gate. The next morning, we watched her waddle out to get the paper, pick up the present, and go inside. My son was all excited, and couldn’t wait to see what would happen next. The next morning, as we drove off, there she was, out getting her paper–wearing the slippers. He was ecstatic. I had to remind him that NO ONE could ever know what he did, or he wouldn’t be a Santa.
Over the years, he chose a good number of targets, always coming up with a unique present just for them. One year, he polished up his bike, put a new seat on it, and gave it to one of our friend’s daughters. These people were and are very poor. We did ask the dad if it was ok. The look on her face, when she saw the bike on the patio with a big bow on it, was almost as good as the look on my son’s face.
When it came time for Son #2 to join the ranks, my oldest came along, and helped with the induction speech. They are both excellent gifters, by the way, and never felt that they had been lied to–because they were let in on the Secret of Being a Santa.”
I find this story beautiful, and I really hope it’s true! To maintain a focus on the spirit of Santa is a wonderful path to take, in my humble opinion.
As for our little family…well, if the question ever gets asked directly, the answer will be much like the answer I received as a child – “What do you believe?” and yes, even “I believe in Santa”. Because I do. And Hubby Helper does. Do you?
I would love to hear how YOU have managed, or intend to manage, this conversation in your family. Again, no judgement! We all handle this the very best way we can, in the way that feels true and honest to ourselves and our children.
So…what is your Truth about Santa??!
Keep the Magic alive for your child! || Letters from Santa || www.EasyFreeSantaLetter.com
When my son was old enough to question what other kids had told him and he asks if there was a Santa, I turned around and asked him what he thought, and he said yes. I left it at that.
I love it Rita…that is exactly the approach I like. They will believe what they want/need to believe. I don’t think anyone in our family ever even asked the big question! 🙂 Have a wonderful Christmas!